


all you have is your fire (and the place you need to reach)

by GayMothman (GhostQueen)



Series: don't you ever tame your demons (but always keep them on a leash) [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Canon Temporary Character Death, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we die like robins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-01 19:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20385751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostQueen/pseuds/GayMothman
Summary: Interactions with the Bat Family (and conner) after the fall of Tim Drake and the rise of the heir to the Demon's Head.(read part one in order for this to make sense... or don't, up to you)





	1. Damian

**Author's Note:**

> as a lesbian, it is my legal obligation to use hozier lyrics as the title for everything in this AU i've made. 
> 
> anyway here's some bro bonding

Tim had been on a mission on the outskirts of Gotham, staking out some customers who thought they would try and stiff the League of Assassins (which is an overall terrible idea, but whatever), when he saw a familiar glimpse of red, green, and yellow out of the corner of his eye.   
  
Not making a physical indication that he noticed anything, he quickly shook the bird off his trail. Still keeping eyes on Robin, Damian looked around and cursed himself for losing his target. 

It was then that Tim dropped down next to him and quickly slammed him against the wall, using his size to overpower him, but that didn’t stop Damian from struggling, “Why are you following me?”

Damian seemed to realize who was attacking him and stopped struggling, “I didn’t come to fight. I just want to… talk.”

Tim’s eyes narrowed at the boy, but ultimately found no trace of ill will and released the boy, “You have five minutes. Talk.”

Seeming at a loss for a second, Damian sputtered before composing himself before simply stating, “You should come home.”

Shaking his head, Tim sighed, “It’s not that easy, Damian.”

Damian was silent for a moment, “They miss you everyday. They compare everything I do to you. As if you are the standard and I’m… not good enough,” Damian looked down, “I’m not a good enough assassin to be the heir and I’m not a good enough Robin to be your successor.”

“Damian…,” Tim for once sympathized with a boy he used to hate. He realizes now that Damian’s rage was only a defense mechanism employed to try and prove himself and eliminate competition. Damian’s just a kid, trying to prove he can be seen as equal by the adults. 

“No, listen,” Damian looked back at Tim, “I have given it thought and I believe you should go back to them and I will take your place in the League. They will forgive your transgressions and understand my decision.”

Tim smiled sadly at the boy in front of him, “Damian, I can’t let you do that, you’re just a kid and Ican’t be responsible for you throwing your life away,” He conveniently left out the fact that Ra’s would not want his grandson as an heir, but only as a host body when the time was right.

“But they miss you,” Damian’s brow furrowed, as if he couldn’t understand why Tim was resistant to his plan, “And you don’t like me, I assumed you would accept on that basis.”

Shaking his head, Tim laid a hand on Damian’s shoulder, “And they would miss you too, Bat Brat,” the insult held no malice, “And I never hated you, I just hated how you took up a mantle I wasn’t ready to give up,” A thoughtful look crossed his face, “Though I suppose you would understand that now.”

Damian swallowed, “Indeed.”

“So, that is why I stay. I serve the League, so you never have to,” Tim would never admit it aloud, but the brat was starting to grow on him. Pulling a transmitter out of his pocket, he handed it to Damian, “Here. If you ever need me, I’ll be there.”

Taking it gingerly, Damian looked it over before nodding, “Understood,” He paused, “…Thank you.”

Tim smiled, a rare soft smile, before walking backwards toward the edge of the building, “Anytime, Baby Bat. Don’t hesitate to call.”

Tim jumped off the building and into the night. Maybe life post-league didn’t have to be so cut and dry after all. 


	2. Jason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jason is like never ever mentioned in the Red Robin comics, so he wasn't in the fic before, but I love him too much to just forget about him, so here he is! here is my special boy!

Tim had been clearing out an old safe-house when a voice erupted from behind him. 

“So, word on the street says you’re the newest black sheep of the family,” Jason was leaning on a wall, his arms crossed, “I guess I should say welcome to the club.”

Hiding a jump, Tim turned around and raised an eyebrow at the other man, “Thanks. Fair warning, I always forget to bring casserole to the club meetings.”

With a short laugh, Jason pushed off the wall, “Well, as long as you show up you’ll get an adorable enamel pin.”

Rolling his eyes, Tim gave a small smile, “With that logic, how could I resist?”

Relations between Jason and Tim had always been tense at best, but now that Tim was no longer a bat, maybe they’d finally bury the hatchet. 

Dropping his smile, Tim continued moving boxes around, “What brings you here, hood?” 

“Oh, you know, this and that…” Jason stalked closer to Tim, “But mostly, I’m just trying to find out how exactly the family kiss-ass ended up falling in bed with the League of Assassins,” Jason leaned in, “It’s just very interesting that one second you’re a Bat and the next you’re heir to the Demon’s Head,” The feigned nonchalantness drained out out his voice, replaced with suspicion, “What happened, Timbo? Got tired of parading in a costume that was never yours?” 

Tim set the box he was holding down a little harder than he wanted to, “If you must know, I’ve had a rough year,” He turned to look Jason in the eye, “A year that started with me selling my soul to Ra’s al Ghul and now I’ve just come to terms with the fact I’ve never really be Bat since then,” His eyes flickered down and then back up, now defiant, “A year is a long time to spend under the supervision of Ra’s al Ghul. It begins to change the way you see the world, wouldn’t you agree?”

Jason held his gaze for an uncomfortable moment before backing down, taking a step back, “Ain’t that the truth,” Jason walked to the fridge, “You got any beer?” 

Dropping his guard a bit at how fast Jason dropped the subject, Tim shook his head, “No, but there’s probably half a bottle of vodka in the freezer.”

“Works for me,” Jason pulled it out as well as a couple of mugs, pouring a decent amount into each one, handing one to Tim, “Cheers, babybird, you’re officially a fugitive.”

Tim clinked his mug to Jason’s and they downed their respective drinks at the same time. 

As the alcohol slid down his throat, Tim could only hope that this ‘Bad Robins Club’ never got any new recruits.


	3. Dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place after damian died whoops

Tim stood on a hill, watching the funeral from a distance. He didn’t want to inflict his presence, a still fresh wound, at a time like this. 

Bruce had just lost his son, he didn’t need a reminder of another one he lost. 

Even this far away, he could see almost everyone. He saw Bruce standing closest to the casket, Selina Kyle on his right, Alfred on his left. Most people in attendance were capes. Even Cass was there, with Stephanie crying into her shoulder. It was then that he wanted nothing more than to hold Stephanie and tell her everything was going to be okay, but he lost that privilege a long time ago.

He really saw everyone. 

But he still couldn’t see one.

“You know,” the missing person came up from behind him, “You could join us down there.”

Tim briefly looked at Dick before looking back down at the ceremony, “I can’t.”

Dick was silent for a moment after that.

“He told me about why you chose to stay with the league,” Tim chose to remain silent, “Tim, you were a good brother to him in the end. I’m sure he knows that,” Tim decided to ignore the fact Dick was projecting. 

“I…” Tim paused, “God, Dick… He was too young for this. It’s just not fair.” Tim’s voice broke at the end. Maybe it was only because they made it to adulthood, but they all had just assumed that Damian would be the same. That he’d grow up, become the Batman he always envisioned he’d be, but now he never would. 

Tim could have never imagined how much he would miss being called ‘Drake’. 

“No. No, it’s not,” Dick tentatively laid a hand on Tim’s shoulder, “But if his death has taught me anything, it’s that family is always worth the effort,” Dick looked at him and Tim carefully met his eyes, “Come to the reception, Tim. You’re still family.” 

Tim felt resigned, “Dick…”

“Tim, you deserve to be there,” Dick sounded frustrated, “I don’t care what you’ve done, I don’t care what Bruce thinks, I don’t care about anything except our family being together, at least for one day,” Tim could see the tears beginning to stream down Dick’s cheeks and distantly wondered if he was also crying. 

Dick’s voice finally broke, “Please.”

And, really, after all these years, after everything they’ve been through, Tim still couldn’t find it in himself to ever truly deny Dick anything. 

“Okay.”


	4. Stephanie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, y'all thought i was done with the funeral?? guess again! here's some angsty timsteph because i love them

At the funeral reception, Tim tried to make himself invisible as possible. He didn’t really want to be there, he felt like he was intruding, but for Dick’s sake, he’d stick around for a bit. 

Currently, he was sat on a couch in a far corner with a small cup of water in his hands, taking occasional sips to keep himself occupied. He had been staring off into space, still processing everything that had happened over the past week, when he felt the couch dip and someone taking a seat next to him.

“Hey,” Stephanie said softly, offering a weak smile.

Tim’s voice was just as subdued, “Hey,” but he couldn’t muster up a smile.

They sat in silence for a long time. 

Stephanie finally broke the ice, “I wanted to hate you for what you did, willingly handing yourself over to the bad guys for the sake of finding Bruce. Staying with them to protect Damian from the wrath of his grandfather,” She sniffled, “You’ve always been so self-sacrificial,”She looked down at her hands, folded in her lap, “But when Damian…” she stopped short, but Tim knew what she meant, “I realized that I can’t spend my entire life being mad at you over this.”

Looking away from her, Tim shook his head, “You’re right to be mad at me. I deceived you and betrayed your trust yet again.”

“Yeah,” she gave a soft, empty laugh, “I guess you did do that,” She looked back at him, “But I did that too. I also just… can’t hold onto this anger anymore. It’s so exhausting,” she paused, “I guess what I’m saying is… I forgive you.”

He finally brought his eyes back to hers, “I… thank you. It’s more than I deserve.”

“Yeah,” she smiled again, but this time there was a little warmth in it, “It is.”

They fell back into silence, this time a bit more comfortable.

“I never stopped loving you, you know?” Tim was the one to break the silence this time, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her and he quietly added on, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.” He felt like had to relearn how to be open with her again. 

“Yeah,” Stephanie grabbed one of his hands and he looked up at her, “I do know,” Her eyes flickered down and then back up, “I think I’ll always love you.”

Slowly, Tim brought his hand up to cup Stephanie’s cheek and began to lean in, giving her plenty of time to pull away if she wanted to.

She didn’t pull away and instead met Tim halfway. The kiss itself was chaste and slightly salty from one or even both of them crying. 

But mostly it was just sad.

Just because they still loved each other didn’t mean that anything was going to change. Their lives were too different; they were too different. They could never reasonably be together and that was just the reality they would have to live with.

Still, they spent the rest of the reception hand in hand, not quite ready to let go of one another. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'what happened to tim's cup of water?' you ask, 'wasn't he just holding it? how is he using both hands?'
> 
> ...don't worry about it.


	5. Conner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i guess this is officially a batfam and conner fanfic, because i couldn't resist an angsty confrontation with conner.

It was only a matter of time before Tim had to fight one of his old allies in the field. 

Tim and his team were assigned to guard one specific base on the outskirts of Mexico City. Ra’s had said something about protecting the possession of an ally, which probably meant that whatever was inside that vault wasn’t good.

It was also probably the reason Superboy came crashing through the ceiling, which was objectively a terrible plan of attack, but the Supers always tended to rely more on force than tact. It was then that Tim came to the realization that this was yet another test from Ra’s to try Tim’s loyalty to the League of Assassins. 

At first he hoped that Conner wouldn’t recognize him with his mask, a simple black mask that covered the bottom half of his face, but he knew that Kon would know the sound of his heartbeat anywhere. 

Still, Tim dropped into a fighting stance as Superboy came around the corner. Logically, Tim knew that he could press the advantage he knows he has over him. He knows his weaknesses and all his tricks.But, he was also Tim’s (ex) friend and he didn’t really want to hurt him.

Suddenly Ra’s’ voice sparked to life in his earpiece, “You do not have to kill him, Timothy, but do show me your willingness to incapacitate your former ally for the sake of the league.”

Tim swallowed, “Understood, Master.”

Conner stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing him, “Tim…”

After that, Tim knew there was no point in pretending. He nodded, “Superboy.”

“How could you?” Conner’s eyes turned dark before unleashing a punch on Tim, “Traitor!”

Expecting that move, Tim used Conner’s own force against him, sidestepping and throwing him into the wall behind him, “I had no choice, Conner!”

Standing up, Conner easily shook off the blow of the impact, charging again, “There’s always a choice, but you made the wrong one, Tim!”

When Conner was angry, he tended to rely on brute strength in combat as an outlet for his frustration. He was emotionally charged and reckless. Tim could easily incapacitate him, but at what cost?

As Conner came closer, Tim flipped over his shoulders and landed gracefully behind him, “Maybe so, but I’d do it again if I had to.”

Conner didn’t charge again, but his glare held, “Here’s what’s going to happen: You are going to step aside and let me in that vault. You have no idea what’s in there.”

Tim sighed, Conner wanted him to be a villain? Fine, he’d be a villain. Smirking, Tim shrugged and tilted his head to distract from the hand reaching into his utility belt, “Oh, you mean the science experiment we’re holding for daddy dearest?” It was a shot in the dark and pretty vague, but it was sure to get under Conner’s skin.

Growling, Conner threw another punch at Tim, which he dodged and returned with a punch of his own, a pair of specially made kryptonite brass knuckles adorning his hands. 

Conner stepped back, holding his face in shock, “Hey! That’s not fair!”

“Never said I’d play fair, Clone Boy,” Tim used Conner’s stunned state to his advantage and swept the legs before quickly punching him out. 

Tim pressed the talk function on his bluetooth, “Was that satisfactory, Master?”

“Hmm. Maybe you could stand to be a bit rougher with him next time, but yes, you’ve passed my test. Bind his hands and we’ll have him delivered back to the States,” Ra’s sounded all too pleased with himself. 

“Right away, Master.” 

Tim looked down at his unconscious adversary and began to bind his hands with a kryptonite infused pair of handcuffs. Even if it was under unfortunate circumstances, it was still nice to see Conner again, even if the other man didn’t see it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it a bit anticlimatic? yes  
am i ever going to explain what was in the vault? no  
hotel? trivago


	6. Damian pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @dc stop killing your characters if you're not going to fucking commit 
> 
> it's exhausting
> 
> anyway here's an only slightly angsty one for yall

Of course it was right after Damian came back to life that Dick decided to go and die on them. The ‘Dead Robin’s Club’ was getting larger and larger and Tim still somehow wasn’t invited. 

Logically, Tim knew that he should be more upset about the passing of his eldest brother, but there was something off about Dick’s death and Tim was pretty sure he wasn’t actually dead. Especially considering that Bruce didn’t seem that effected either. 

They didn’t call Tim the world’s second best detective for nothing. 

It took some digging and some serious hacking to find that Dick was working for Spyral and Tim knew that whatever Dick was needed for was obviously important enough that Bruce needed an impenetrable cover. 

But. 

Damian should never look that upset. After word of Dick’s death came through, Tim passed through Gotham to pay his respects. In doing so, he found Damian just sitting in front of Dick’s grave, which was coincidentally located next to Damian’s, Tim slowly walked up and just sat next to Damian, making enough noise for the boy to know he was there. 

After a few moments of silence, Damian broke it, “I… Grayson was the first person to truly accept me as part of this family. I never got to thank him for it.”

“He knows,” Tim made sure to use present tense, but otherwise gave no indication he knew otherwise. 

Yet, Damian was always a bright kid. Furrowing his brow, he looked up at Tim, “You don’t think he’s dead.”

It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement.

Looking at the headstone, Tim shook his head, “No, I don’t.”

Damian nodded, “Okay.”

Tim turned to the boy in confusion, “Okay?”

“Tt,” It was Damian’s turn to look away, “Well, Drake, I hate to put so much confidence in your detective skills, but you haven’t been wrong about this sort of situation before, so I am inclined to believe you.”

Hard to argue with that logic. Tim said nothing as they just sat in silence in front of the grave. 

Damian would be okay. Tim would make sure of it. 


	7. Duke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon? What's canon? the lines all blur together at some point guys. but i love duke and needed an interaction in this au.

Tim wasn’t a vigilante anymore, so there was no need to dress up in a stupid costume in order to make a statement. Right now, his go-to was just a simple black tactical suit and a black mask that covered the bottom half of his face. The only thing that distinctly stood out was the gold trim around the edges of the suit, a symbol of status to other league members. 

This new suit also meant he was more invisible, able to blend into the shadows fluidly, but a trained bat would still be able to spot him. 

Which meant that this new guy either hadn’t been fully trained yet or was just sloppy, but Tim would refrain from judgement for now.

Taking a page out of Jason’s book, he dropped quietly behind the new Bat Clan member and leaned against the wall, “So, I guess you’re the fresh meat, huh?” 

Tim didn’t bother to hide a smile, not that anyone could see it, at the sight of the yellow armored newcomer being visibly startled. 

“Wha- who are you?” The teen’s posture was stiff, ready for this to turn into combat at any moment.

Ignoring the question, Tim started counting off on his fingers, “Let’s see. Hmm. Duke Thomas,” one, “Age 16,” two, “attends West Robinson High,” three, “and… what was that last one?” Tim furrowed his brow in feigned concentration, “Oh, yeah! The newest ward of Bruce Wayne,” four, “… or should I say Batman?” 

Duke dropped his guard in shock, “Seriously, who are you?!”

Laughing, Tim took off his mask, “Tim Drake, the third Robin, at your service,” Tim took a joking bow.

Recognition seemed to dawn on Duke, “Oh. You’re… oh.” 

Tim cringed, “Ouch. Is what they say about me that bad?” He tried to pass it off as a joke, but, honestly, that stung a little.

Duke seemed to backpedal, “No, no, dude, it’s just,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “Bruce doesn’t like to talk about you. And when he does, he talks about you like you’ve died. To be honest, I didn’t even think you were alive.”

“I’m arguably one of his biggest mistakes, so that fits,” Tim nodded and pushed off the wall, “That’s what going against Bruce’s moral code gets you.”

“What? What’d you do?” Duke seemed to genuinely confused.

“Did no one tell you? Or is it not in a file somewhere?” Tim thought the would have informed the new guy to potential threats.

“No? Why? Is it bad? Did you murder someone?” 

“…Many,” Tim was truthfully a bit dumbfounded, “I, uh, joined the League of Assassins.”

“Oh,” Duke took a small step back.

Tim snickered, “I’m not going to hurt you,” he smiled a bit, “I can tell you’re a good kid, so here’s some advice: Bruce will ask a lot of you and will run your spirit into the ground. When he does, tell him to fuck off and go join the Titans until you both cool down. Rinse and Repeat.”

Duke seemed dubious, “Will that really work?” 

“For a while,” Tim shrugged, “But there will be a point where you’ll either die,” Tim wasn’t going to bother sugarcoating it, “or you’ll eventually have to strike out on your own and only you will know your breaking point.” 

“I… Thanks, man, I’ll try to remember that,” Duke smiled and Tim suddenly felt twenty years older. Duke was the future of them.

“Anytime, dude. I’ll catch you on the flip side,” Tim gestured with a mock salute before jumping off the building, Duke staring after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tim: who the fuck are you  
duke: who the fuck are you  
tim: i asked you first  
duke: i asked you second


	8. Bruce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are. the end of the road for this fic. I realize I left out Cass, but I honestly think nothing would have changed in how she interacted with Tim. Tim's her family no matter what side he's on.

Flash forward fifty years and Tim found himself standing in front of Bruce Wayne’s grave, looking the same as he did when he first left. He had always prepared himself for when the time came that he would start outliving those he once held close.

Most of his friends and family were retired or dead and Tim was left to deal with the next generation of heroes standing in their way.

Over the years, Ra’s had slowly been turning over his duties to Tim and within the next fifty years, he would be set to stand aside, leaving Tim as the new Demon’s Head.

Maybe it was just the Larzarus pit juice messing with his mind, but Tim failed to see any difference in humanity as the years went by. Humans just stay the same over the course of history. They commit atrocities upon atrocities and never learn from their past mistakes. They take the earth for granted and are killing it more and more with every passing day.

Tim’s starting to fail to see the good in humanity. In his heart, he wants to believe that there was once good in the world and that good is being passed down through the generations, but his mind knows it’s not that simple. Those with power will always blur the line. Heroes, villains; there is no clear line and they cross it every day.

He has never been good, but he will never be evil, because morality is only relative.

Maybe that’s why he’s gotten colder, more ruthless.

Fifty years ago sometimes feels like yesterday, but others it feels like another life. Tim is not that man anymore. No longer was he the reluctant rogue that his former allies never truly wanted to fight. No, he was finally living up to his role as heir to the Demon’s Head. Maybe he never wanted to be the bad guy, but that’s who he turned out to be.

Maybe that’s why when Bruce Wayne finally kicked the bucket, Tim had to come see for himself. He always knew the time would come sooner or later, but he was honestly surprised Bruce lived this long with all the injuries he’d obtained over the years.

But Tim was finally back where it all began, with a man that was stupid enough to let children fight a war and continue to let them die. A man that made Tim sacrifice his whole life for nothing. Yet, despite everything and all these years, Tim still couldn’t truly hate the man. Sure, he resented Bruce and everything he stood for, but that same man was also Tim’s father at one point.

“Hi, Bruce,” Tim knew the man would never hear this, but maybe he just needs to let it out in order to finally let go of the link to his past, “It’s Tim, your favorite disappointment.”

“I always wondered what would have happened if I never became Robin, would you have killed the Joker?” Probably not, but Tim would never know, “All I know is that if I never became Robin, I would have never ended up where I am. Maybe I would have been a photographer, a coder, or maybe even an engineer, but I, uh, guess we’ll never know, huh?”

“I used to blame you for putting me in this situation, but I know I did this to myself,” Tim ran a hand through his hair, “I used to run simulations on what would have happened if I did things differently, but I realize now that I always made the right choice, even if I didn’t see it that way at first.”

“Your goal had always been saving lives, guilty or innocent, and, by proxy, that was my goal too,” Tim shoved both hands in his pockets, “Maybe I’ve been poisoned by my influences, but maybe you were just wrong. Maybe if you had gotten off your moral high-horse for one minute, you might’ve seen things the way I do now,” a short pause, “But probably not. You were always a stubborn bastard.”

“I don’t know why I came here. You’re never going to reply,” Tim laughed humorlessly, “I guess I came here, because I’m in this mess because I knew you were alive and now I know you’re dead. We’ve finally come full circle, huh?”

“You weren’t a very good father, but you had your moments. I think I just wanted to say…” Tim took a deep breath, “Thank you. For everything. Even if I never showed it, I loved you.”

Tim stood silent for a long time.

“Goodbye, Bruce.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keep an eye out for part 3 sometime in the next few days :)


End file.
